Willow's Journal! Feb Edition :)

February 9th, 2023. 8:53 PM

Song of the Day: 10 James Orr Street by Strawberry Switchblade.

Forgive me, I know this journal is a little plain looking ^^; I'm still trying to find my way around neocities. But hey! I finally made a personal website that I can frequently update like I've always wanted to! I used to be a carrd user, but that wasn't very fun. I find this to be more interesting and fun :]

Ass-kissing aside, today was alright I suppose. I got to talk to my boyfriend for a bit, but not as long as I did yesterday. He's been busy lately, and I really miss him. It isn't his fault though! I'm obviously not upset with him, the amount of time we get to talk is pretty much entirely out of his control at the moment. He has a life outside of being my boyfriend and I totally understand that XD. I just wish there was a way I could see him more often.

I have yet to finish my homework today. I should probably go do that, but I wanna write here first. Isn't this fun? I mean, it's fun for me. I've always wanted to do something with coding and I'm so happy!! It makes me even happier that I have a place to put my thoughts :] This is neat.

Right now I'm listening to Bloodsucker by Paralyzed Age. I've been listening to more "gothic" music lately, and I really like it!! I love branching out and finding new music, it makes me so happy. I have a drawing I need to work on, actually I have a lot to do...It was lovely writing here today.

yours truly,

Willow

February 11th, 2023. 7:03 PM

Song of the Day: Rule #15 - Four Aces by Fish in a Birdcage.

So yesterday morning, I woke up and decided I didn't like the layout of my site. So, I spent nearly the whole day redoing it. I kept on running into roadblocks and errors throughout, which is obvi normal. But I barely made any progress yesterday and I ended up frustrating myself XD But! My dad knows more about code than I do, so he ended up helping me! Thanks dad :D even though you can't read this.

I got to talk to my boyfriend even more yesterday!!!!!! Omg!!!!!!! I was so happy about it, I just really love spending time with him. He's literally the sweetest guy ever. He goes out of his way to find ways to talk to me when our ways of communication are VERY limited, and honestly that's the sweetest thing anyones ever done for me. HE DOES SO MUCH FOR ME AND ITS LIKE OUAUAUAUFDGF I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OMGGGG!! He's literally such a sweetie omg I love him so much

Do you ever like...Get so into a daydream that you have a fuckton of trouble getting out of it? Like the whole day you can barely think about anything else but that madeup scenario in your head. I've been doing that a lot lately, and It's honestly really frustrating. Like the daydream makes me so happy but I need to FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in the middle of doing my math homework when all of a sudden a song comes on and I daydream a whole bit to it. MF LET ME FOCUS!!!!!!!!!

Or maybe like, you get so into something that it's really hard to focus onto anything else. That's been a consistant thing for me for like, all of my life and it's like...What do you mean it's not like that for everyone? If you don't REALLY like something, what do you think about? Taxes? Work? Boring. Necessary, but boring.

I just wonder what it's like to be someone with a "normal" brain [for a lack of better words, sorry]. Would I have had better grades growing up? [definitely]. Would I be better at doing certain things? Would I have met the people I've met? What would be different about me? Well I mean, a lot. I just wonder what it's like to not be me. But even though I do wonder about it, I like being me. I think being me is an incredible thing. Having the life I have now is honestly the best thing ever. It's beautiful.

Romanticizing my life aside, I have things to do! Stay safe and take care of yourself!

Yours truly,

Willow

February 13th, 2023. 11:18 AM

Song of the Day: Everyone Adores you (at least I do) by Matt Maltese.

Happy [slightly early] Valentines Day everyone! I can't lie, this is honestly one of my favorite times of the year. Mostly cause of the whole aesthetic of valentines day, y'know, hearts and the colors pink and red. All that good stuff. It makes me so happy seeing other people happy with their partners. But you know what I can't stand? People who make hating Valentines Day a large chunk of their personality. Or people saying things to clearly happy couples like "Wake up and break up" or "Y'all are so cute! [casual suicide joke]" like just say ur lonely...It just upsets me a little seeing people say all that, yk? Maybe I'm a little biased because I'm in a good relationship, but isn't it a little gross saying those kinds of things? Idk, maybe I can't "handle a joke".

In other news, today's been a generally worry-free day. I mean, I'm not stressed all the time or anything, it's just that I haven't found myself worrying over tiny things today. It's nice having a clear conscious. I made a little animatic + drawing for my boyfriend today because today is our 11 months!! Aaaah!! I'm so happy :)) I'm excited to show him. I hope he likes them...

I think writing down everything these last few days has been helping me feel a little less...Lonesome? I mean, I'm not talking to anyone in particular, but I feel a little less isolated. Being an online student is fun till your social interaction gets chopped in half [hell, even more than half]. I've gotten used to it, but it does get to me sometimes. I have friends obviously, I'm just not as close to them as I'd like to be. I love and care for them, but I feel like they don't feel the same way about me yk? Maybe I'm not talking to them enough. I'll go shoot them a message in a bit.

Not much to write about today, but I hope everyone has a good day! Take care of yourself.

Yours truly,

Willow